ADAMPALLYBALLS

SEASON 2 STARTS NEXT WEDS

2011-09-22T22:52:00.001-07:00

RIding Shotgun Live

2011-09-21T02:17:00.001-07:00

NEW SHIT

2011-09-12T22:44:00.001-07:00

RIding Shotgun Episode 2

2011-06-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

Riding Shotgun Episode 2 - watch more funny videos

I dont remember shooting this

2011-06-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

I did Kimmel, this is what it looked like

2011-05-06T13:21:00.001-07:00

Riding Shotgun

2011-04-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

This week's guest, FRED SAVAGE

Riding Shotgun with Adam Pally - watch more funny videos

This is how I got Happy Endings

2011-04-06T15:01:00.001-07:00

Happy Endings Auditions - watch more funny videos

HAPPY ENDINGS APRIL 13 ABC

2011-03-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

Please watch, my dog needs food

Monogamy

2011-02-03T13:42:00.001-08:00

Comes out in March to artsy theatres

April 13, Happy Endings on ABC

2011-01-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

10:00 PM on April 13 ABC

GHOSTBUSTERS

2010-11-15T07:52:00.001-08:00

Ghostbusters Return - watch more funny videos

Roo Roo

2010-08-27T08:49:00.001-07:00

Death by Roo Roo - Picking up Chicks	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

DEAR LEBRON,

2010-07-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

You are the worst

Adam Pally watches Lebron James The Decision - watch more funny videos

Sincerely,

A NY KNICK FAN

Indigi Flowers

2010-02-23T08:40:00.001-08:00

I shot this web series with the crazy awesome filmmaker Mitch Magee for Funny or Die

The Indigenous Flowers of Southern California Ep. 1 - watch more funny videos

Solitary Man

2009-11-30T23:46:00.000-08:00

I fight Michael Douglas in this movie.

Oh what's that, you where perfectly fine not seeing my face while surfing the internet?

2009-10-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

FUCK YOU, I'M ALL OVER YOUR SHIT

Every Week on Entourage

2009-07-12T22:11:00.001-07:00

Co-Wrote this and play Vince

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Trailer for "Assasination"

2009-07-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

I'm in this movie -- I kill it in the trailer right around the 2:00 minute mark!!!

More Twix yo

2009-07-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

Check out the sexy old lady

2009-07-08T17:05:00.000-07:00

Sketch from my E! sketch show pilot

2009-07-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

The Other Others - watch more funny videos

David after the Divorce

2009-07-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

Parody of that kid from the dentist that got all high

Easy Button

2009-07-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

Staples commercial... whatever

Wrote, Produced and play the stoner of this Pilot presentation for CW

2009-06-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

Wrote, Produced and play the stoner of this Pilot presentation for ABC

2009-06-20T11:51:00.001-07:00

Me on Colbert

2009-06-20T11:47:00.001-07:00

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

How to be a Maverick

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Scariest Show on the Internet

2009-06-20T11:39:00.001-07:00

Sexy Teen Murder Lake

Atom.com: Funny Videos | Atom Originals | The Scariest Show on the Internet

HOT SAUCE!!!

2008-02-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

iPod Commercial - watch more funny videos

More fucking up of kids... yay!!!

2007-08-07T01:52:00.000-07:00

SCHOOLED

2007-07-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

I did a prank show called SCHOOLED

It's going to be airing on The CW on Sunday August 5 at 8 PM and then again on the 8th of August at 3PM.

I played an oral examiner and basically messed with a bunch of really nervous 16 year olds who thought I was going to take away their music program.

Hopefully I fucked a couple of them up good for life.

Here's a clip... Tune in to watch me really damage some young minds

Who wants more new shiz

2007-05-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

Also, check out the mention of Chubby Skinny Kids in Variety...

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117964443.html?categoryid=14&cs=1

"Young, self depricating, and a little dangerous."

So, we will be bright eyed while stealing your wallet then tell our friends we did a so so job doing it."

MORE NEW SHIZ

2007-05-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

NEW SHIZ

2007-04-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

3 Minute Sketch Show

2007-04-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

Chubby Skinny Kids Productions shot/wrote/edited this thing in like 8 hours for Will Ferrel and Adam Mckay's site Funny or Die. Check it out, vote funny. The next episode is gonna kick this episode's ass though...

HOT SAUCE WEB SITE REDONE

2007-02-27T09:53:00.000-08:00

www.hotsauceacademy.com

Leaked super bowl adds...

2007-02-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

These where leaked on Youtube, so they aren't gonna be shown on sunday. This sucks, so send them around.

2007-01-10T19:54:00.000-08:00

I'm a corporate shill again

I hor out for big business...

VANITY SKYRISE

2006-12-01T18:12:00.000-08:00

Today I was introduced to Google Alerts.

This is a service that emails you when your name is printed, anywhere on the web... anywhere, from imdb (hopefully) to Mayor Ed Kotch's blog (god willing).

My vanity is about to reach such heights that it will become part of my internet routine.

Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog

2006-11-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog.....

There Grandma my blog is updated!!!

Thank you for the home made tunah and the check,
Adam

I'm like a Pregnant Woman

2006-10-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

I was in Restoration Hardware today waitinf for Daniella to pick out Sconces today. There I was, playing solitaire on my Moto Q, sitting in a Brown Leather Chair I always think I would by myself if I could afford one.

BOOM!!!!

That song by Eric Clapton, "In my Fathers Eyes" comes on.

I start Tearing up... Right there in Restoration Hardware.

I dont know what it was, the fact that that song reminds me that Eric Claptons four year old son jumped out a window, or maybe it was I just spent the day with my dad for his birthday. I also recently read about Rev Run's wife dying in Childbearth, I dont know, but if it had taken Daniella a little longer to find just the right kind of brushed metal towel fixture, I would have been full on sobbing.

Luckily, we got out of there pretty quick, and I was off to Best Buy to buy Madden 07 for my PSP, so I can spend the full six hours of my upcoming flight to LA playing Video Games.

Though I just did download that song.

The language of the gods...

2006-10-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

There has been a debate going on amongst some of my friends in the comedy community about the new show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

One of the contentions is that Aaron Sorkin (the writer of the program) uses a dialogue that is similar in all his shows, and even some of the scenes seem to be recycled from previous projects of his. Thus, the term SORKINESE has been born.

I want my own language. I have cool sayings, my banter with my friends is kind of fast. Thus the term, APALLIAN, has been born. And by born I mean, I just came up with it, and have put it on my blog, and naturally expect it to sweep the nation within days. The language has been cultivated by various pop culture icons, comedian buddies and teachers, and stoner mythology.

So, heres a little bit of APALLIAN for you to mix in to your borin everyday english language.

CoolBeans -- (Adj) def: 1) Everything is alright or that is fine by me.... Im gonna grab a soda from your fridge -- CoolBeans. 2) Congradulations.... I got into Yale -- Oh CoolBeans dude. Origin: My friend and former teacher Seth Morris, and Spicoli I believe.

No Worries -- (Adj) def: 1) Everything is alright or that is fine by me... Im gonna grab a soda from your fridge -- No Worries Bro 2) A less formal Your Welcome..... Thanks for covering me on that pitcher dude -- No Worries. Origin: A following of Phish freshman year of college, and an Australian counselor at Camp Makenak.

Totes -- (Adv/Adj) def: 1)Definately Are you sure you have soda in your fridge -- Totes 2) I agree How good is the american office starting second season when Paul Feig came aboard -- Totes 3)Everything is alright or that is fine by me... Is it cool if you cover me on that pitcher dude -- Totes. Origin: Comedian friends Eric Appel, Sussanah Beckett and Kate Spencer, the overuse of it to annoy friends Gil Ozeri and Jon Gabrus, and the Pop Culture phenomenon of shortening words.

Alright, thats all for today check back in soon for some more lessons in APALIAN!!!

The Ice Cream of When...

2006-09-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

I was at Yankee Stadium this week when I saw a dippin dots...

This is Ice Cream that is so cold that it has congealed into small balls...

The Ice Cream of the Future!!!

Only this Ice Cream has been around for at least 15 years...

Burns your mouth when you eat it.

And apparently, dippin dots cant shipt it because there are no trucks that keep it cold enough to keep the balls congealed...

So I command you dippin dots... change your slogan... change your slogan now!!!

DIPPIN DOTS, "The Ice Cream of right now, cause we cant keep it cold enough for the future"

Chanukkah in Septembronica -- Fantasy Football Draft Day

2006-09-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

Draft night was tonight... And even though I'm pretty sure only comedian friends, and my mom read this blog, heres a recap...

WARNING -- If you dont follow football, this will just be a list of names!!!

Oh, and anyone playing FF in a league that hasnt drafted yet, you might want to keep notes, cause I took those fuckers in my league to school, Paydirt Bitches...

This was going to be a night for THE FRIED MANGINI (my team name, its a play on the new Jets head coach, and the fact that I will eat anything fried, and the fact that Eric Mangini himself is a large man). The night started out tense, I was slotted in the 9th position of a 10 team league, meaning the Big Three as far as Running Back, (Shaun Alexander, Larry Johnson, and LT) where well off the board, and it was gonna all come down to the way the other GM's felt who where drafting before me. Also, the stakes where high this year as my league, MAIN LINE THUGS, ( a bunch of kids from philly) switched to a two quarterback system, meaning that qb production would be major league important causing the draft boards to be erratic. This made me insanely nervous since any good GM knows, the early rounds are when the core of your team is built and with the new system there was no telling what could go down.

Boom, Boom, Boom, the big three go off the board, followed by the dependable Rudi J, then Peyton Manning, Stephen J, and Tiki... I had my eye on Cadillac Williams wh was poised to get a bunch of touches in Jon Gruden's offense in Tampa... and BOOM my buddy Doug Mand makes a great pick (which was few and far between in his draft, sorry doug) and nabs my boy Cadillac. Now the thing about picking second to last, as I was, is that your next pick comes quick since the draft snakes aroung the back. I acted swiftly and took a gamble, as would become par for the course in this draft. My draft would begin...

Clinton Portis -- Hurt now, big gamble, Offensive coardinator of Chiefs from last year,if it pays off, whoa baby...

Carson Palmer -- In a two QB league cant state how important it is to have the 2nd best one, big fall off to next best...

Chester Taylor -- RB man in MN, plus they got Hutch, i predict big season, but still gamble...

REGGIE BUSH -- I put in all caps cause this dude is fun to watch, and this is a steal in the 4th round...

Roy Williams -- With Mike Martz in the Offensive Coordinator spot in Dtown, this could be Torry Holt like season for Willaims...

So now my teams core was set. THE FRIED MANGINI was gonna be exciting and gamble, just like I like it. But there was still the late rounds to go, and this is wear you mold your team with sleepers, steals, and other peoples mistakes. Luckily enough for me I was drafting behind Doug.

Ahman Green, Kevin Barlow -- I know the value of RB's in fantasy, so I gambled on two I think could have bounce back years, and are guaranteed starters.

Tony Gonzalez, Santana Moss -- This is the value of drafting behind Doug, in these two rounds I grabbed the 2nd best tight end and a top ten reciever, while he drafted Kerry Collins and Ron Dayne.

Brett Favre -- Second QB, well see how this plays out, Im not thrilled. Good news is I have Carson Palmer.

Niel Rackers, Pittsburgh -- Kicker and Defense are hard to pick, so I grabbed the best kicker from last year, and a top rated D, well see, some would say I Gunned the Jump on this, but well see MAIN LINE THUGS, we will see.

THE FRIEND MANGINI was shaking out like a favorite this season, and if all holds up, I should be in ok shape, but this is where I slipped a little. I should have been handcuffing my top tier Running Backs in case of injury, but I let TJ ducket go, missed out on Samkon Gado, and Mewelde Moore. So I had to improvise...

Laverneus Coles, Chad Pennington, and Cedric Houston -- all Jets, I went with the heart on this, I could have shit the bed with these three, but who knows.

I alwasy, always, always take a player with my last pick who ends up being one of my strongest, I hope that happens cause I can use the help at QB.

Josh Mccown -- See Roy Williams for info... Also, look what Mike Martz did for Kurt Warner and Marc Bulger, this kids gonna blow up.

There you have it. This team is gonna take it all. If you need more info, shoot me an email Ill answer all your mailbag questions.

IM BITS

2006-09-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

This one comes from a conversation with my friend Pam Murphy...

PAM
If ever you need actors for a scene for your show... I'll do it if I can be like your mom or something, ya know a big part...

ADAM
Alright

PAM
or a college proffessor you gave roofies to

ADAM
your writing the episodes for me

PAM
Or the lady who live in the trailer next door and keeps dead bodies for firiends

ADAM
your hired!!!

PAM
I am a genius, (who secretly videotapes women getting pedicures) ehhh/ ehh?

ADAM
your fired!!!!

PAM
crap, secretly video tapes women picking up their dogs pooh??

ADAM
warmer

PAM
how about a retard instead of a genius

ADAM
very warmer

PAM
a retard who isn't retarded by birth but as a result of a snowboarding accident

ADAM
HIRED
and PROMOTED, new HEAD WRITER
but im not in love with the fact that the retard is not a baby, can we make that happen

PAM
oh definitely, could it be he has a illness that he keeps getting younger or is that too cliche
nevermind, cliche
but his parents are a stripper and an elephant

ADAM
were on to something, YES, YES, ITS GONNA BE A HIT, MRS BIALYSTOCK
!!!

iM Bits...

2006-08-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

This one comes from my buddy Ben Schwartz...

BEN
I'm talking about if we tape the show, so he doesn't have to tape the screen during the show he can just put the file in there to show the video in better resolution

ADAM
oh yeah good stinkin lincoln

BEN
kicks own balls

ADAM
whoa dude, why did you do that to yourself
why did you kick yoru own balls

BEN
i feel really winded
i just hit my own balls?

ADAM
why do u keep hitting your own balls

BEN
because it makes me pass out adam
and when you pass out
you can be anything
seriously
anything

ADAM
oh my god
have you ever heard of drinking

BEN
(hits adam's balls
we cut inside adam's head)

ADAM
we see a dream sequence where adam is beating the shit out of ben because he hit adam inthe balls
we cut back

BEN
how was it?

ADAM
FUCK YOU MAN!!!!!
jesus crhits you just kicked me in the balls

BEN
benny hill music starts

ADAM
what, why is this music playing

BEN
ben wakes up
i feel really winded
i hit my own balls?

ADAM
yeah, why do you keep hitting yoru own balls

BEN
because it makes me pass out adam
and when you pass out you can be anything
anything in the world

ADAM
jesus christ, have you ever heard of drinking

BEN
does it ever make you feel bad that everyone in the world can't see that we're geniuses?

ADAM
HAHA ur welcome

BEN
i'm going to be at 21st and 5th in an hour
any interest in mayrose for lunch?

ADAM
oh hell yeah

Alright, Alright...

2006-08-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

Alright, Alright...

To clarify for my friends who have read the previous post and have not stopped making fun of me...

I do not want to ride Ryder Strong like a horse, I was simply pointing out, that his name sounds like the kind of name that a racing horse would be named, as in, "Ill take a Quinella with Whiteout, Deathstar, and Ryder Strong all placing kind sir". And I chose Ryder Strong for the ironic humor that bringing up such a random celebrity would bring with it.

Also...

BOOM -- Topanga

Boy meets Horse Name...

2006-07-25T17:37:00.000-07:00

If I had a horse, I would name it Ryder Strong...

Kid had a good horse name.

WHERE IS SHE?

2006-07-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

I demand to see SURI...

Bodega Nights -- "ANYWAYS"

2006-07-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

I was in the little deli underneath my apartment the other night buying those little bowls of cereal that are already in their own bowl, not the old crappy ones, these are kind of like plastic, they always work out well...

Anyways, I'm waiting in line behind this really funny New York City family. Beautifal hipster blonde wife, great body, tatooed up husband looks like he might work in Jesse James garage, and then these two blonde boys with surfer haircuts who could be twins.

Anyways, the wife asks the employee of the deli, who is behind the counter for a box of tampaxx, which happens to be on the top shelf...

Anyways, the employee of the deli can't reach it so he starts jumping up to try and reach the box, each time hitting it closer and closer to the edge of the shelf. Now the surfer bro "The shining" twins are laughing at this, and the employee of the deli keeps giving it his all, A+ effort he's giving to get those tampax down.

Anyways, now me and the rest of the line has taken notice at this situation and the tattoed husband has token notice that we have taken notice and we're all laughing at the wierdness of what is going on. The husband turns to me and goes, "This whole situation is pretty rioutous huh?" I found it odd that he used the word riotous, but shot back, "Yeah, its going straight on my blog."

Anyways, the employee of the deli finally hits the box off the shelf, only the box was under a stack of other tampax boxxes so they all come crashing down all over the floor, the counter and the line that we where on, which puts me, the rest of the line, the husband, the kids, and the wife into a hilarious laughing fit, in the middle of the bodega.

Anyways, the employee of the deli sticks his head up from teh counter and sees all of us laughing and gives a chuckel as if to say, "I guess this is pretty funny, what me with the tampons and everything."

Anyways, The wife pays for the tampons and the family walks out of the bodega laughing amongst themselves, the line and myself lauging to ourselves. Thats when the husband turns around to the line, me, and the employee at the deli and says, "Have a nice night". This struck me as odd. The way he delivered it made it seem like this family goes into bodega's all over NYC and does this tampax routine for the tired, lonely people online.

Anyways, I got that self contained bowl of frosted flakes, and it was delicious.

2006-07-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

My Staples Commersh

I'm a corporate schill!!!

And that god damn cat gets more screen time than I do.

This blog has really hit rock bottom

2006-06-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

Why?

I am about to write a post about insomnia.

Is there anything worse than a blog entry by a comedian about insomnia?

Written in the middle of the night, watching a sportscenter ultimate highlight, eating whole food mint oreo's, of course in his underwear, constantly clicking back and forth to his fantasy baseball team switching the last outfield spot from aubrey huff to jeremy hermida and back again fifty times, now watching rachel mcnichols interview Dwayne Wade-- she has to be the cutest sportscenter reporter, it must be late if I'm fantasizing about Rachel Mcnichols, throwing a mini nerf basketball up and down in the air, trying to find episode 3 of Dog Bites Man online, wondering how long I napped today and if that is whats keeping me up, thinking about writing, isnt this kind of writing, but what am I gonna do with this, thinking about writing something like a sketch or short film, buying music I dont need and cant afford on Itunes, bidding on cool pair of nikes on Ebay, Hermida, Huff, Hermida, Huff, the cat is now here, and now its gone, uch an outside the lines piece, channel change, settle on oblongs, take the word settle very literarily, watching big bucking chicken commercial, laugh, oh man this sucks, both having insomnia and this blog entry, so does entourage lately am i right, dropped clicker, picked it up, dropped it again, daniella says cute jibberish in her sleep, Hermida, Huff, Hermida, Huff, or Lastings Milledge, Huff, Hermida, Huff, sweating now, maybe sick, or just the classic time in all of insomnia when you think your sick, but maybe i am, wow, oblongs not that funny, ehh sort of funny, not that funny, i wonder what Rachel Mcnichols is wearing right now, its very late, but eyes open, should cut my toe nails, nope, maybe ill bold the next word, doody, im really mature, Huff, Hermida, Huff, Hermida, no, Im going with Huff, he is more experianced and usually heats up around this time If Hermida has a good week, I'll play him next week, I am just now feeling bad for anyone that is reading this all the way through and has gotten up to this point, I apologize.

Well I was right, there is nothing worse than a blog entry about insomnia.

The Great Overheard 2...

2006-06-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

This one comes fom my friend Greg Tusculescu.

He told me this story a while back and I always relay it to my friends as possibly one of the funneist storys ever.

Greg was walking down the street and he overheard a young girl talking on her cell phone.

"No, I just like got bought some cleaning supplys to clean our bathroom wich is totes dirty....

Well, I bought like some soap and stuff at Duane Reade, and then I found the mop at the 99cents store...............................

99Cents."

Random LA

2006-06-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

Just got back from LA, these are random things I have learned.

If your working, not that bad, if your not busy, its the loneliest place in the world.

Almost everyone told me to make my car my own, have water, mints, and books on tape, and such... And they would tell me this without being solicited by me with a question like, "how should I view my car?"

Bigshots wear yankee hats, though they are not from New York, nor do they live there.

Every morning it looks like its going to rain, but its just a smog that lifts by 12:00 and becomes a really nice day.

GAS IS EXPENSIVE

PEOPLE WHO DRIVE HYRBIDS TELL YOU HOW MUCH THEY SAVE ON GAS

Both these topics are told to you without you asking a question, how much is gas, and do I save if I drive a hybrid.

You could play a game called, "It's better in NY" with almost anything.

When your in traffic people look into your car, making any sort of nosepic almost impossible.... ALMOST

Santa Monica is awesome... The Valley is not... the rest of la looks exactly like every other area in la, you cant tell westwood, beverly hills apart from brentwood or hollywood. Its all a suburb, with a lot of billboards.

All this being said, I kinda liked it.

Audition Horror Story 4

2006-06-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

Callback -- Volkswagen

Waited almost two hours to go in and read.

Got in, had a real good read. Think they liked me.

This was a friday so they asked me, "Can you write down your phone number in case we call you back over the weekend."

"Sure, but I have handwriting like a kid with downsyndrome, you might want to just let me tell it to you and you write it down."

SILENCE

Then, I laughed at what I had just said.

Today... Realeased.

Who is this?

2006-06-09T04:22:00.000-07:00

Who is this?

A) Don Cheadle's less succesful brother
B) Danny Glover's son
C) The guy who played Wesley Snipes brother in Sugar HIll
D) Shawn Kemp
E) Character Actor John Amos

If you picked D... your correct, and now you feel sad.

The Greatest Web Site

2006-06-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

Go Here NOW!!!

SAVE NY BASKETBALL

www.selltheknicks.com

Fortune?

2006-06-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

I got these shrimp dumplings, szechuan style, from this chinese restaurant delivered for lunch. Its one of those depressing days where its raining terribly, but its hot and muggy, and I havent left the apartment, so these dumplings where my contact with the outside world.

After devouring them in maybe 3 seconds, I went to the fortune cookies. Now, I am fully aware, that for a blog writer it is hack to write about fortune cookie fortunes, but this pissed me off to no end.

"Thinking is endorsed"

Fuck you, that is such a shitty fortune. I hope some really depressed person who lost there job, their spouse left, their house is being foreclosed, and they take there last bit of money to get some chinese food, they get this fortune, and it drives them to shoot themselves in the face in public. What a fucking bullshit fortune. Thinking is endorsed? Yeah, I know, thanks. Its smart to think. You fucking assholes who write these things, I hope you have a guilty conscience about the fact that your phoning it in you motherfuckers. I pray to god whenever you get chinese food, the fortunes inside read, your a stupid fucking idiot.

Alright, I'm ok now, what just happened, I just blacked out.

IM Bits...

2006-05-31T08:37:00.000-07:00

The following IM conversation took place between 10:00 and 10:45 Wednesday morning between me and my friend Sussanah. Why? No one knows.

Suss -- Let me tell you what I DON'T like about "You're Beautiful."

Me -- haha, everything

Suss -- No. I don't like the first "My life is brilliant. Because it always just sounds like he messed up and started the song too early. why did he include that part?

Me -- i think he probs thought it makes a stupid song that much grittier.

Suss -- Mabes he just really wanted to emphasize how brilliant his life is.

Me -- Mabes he just really wanted to emphasize how brilliant his life is.

Suss -- Or maybe, since Brits often say something is "brilliant" when they mean it's "great," maybe he is trying to say his life is still great even without her. An assertion which, as we all know, rings quite hollow.

Me -- that could possibly be it, but at the same time, the song seams to be about his struggle with the fact that he sees a woman he thinks he is in love with, but can never have, so the term brilliant in this case may be used in a sarcastic tone, to denote how truly horrible it is living without sed woman.

Suss -- Exactly. I think, though, that his struggle is with the fact that he is seeing his EX-girlfriend as she travels on the subway with "another man." He realizes how much he misses her and how UN-brilliant his life is and how UN-pure his love is.
Also, she can see from his face that he's "fucking high" (or "flying high" in the radio edit), so there is his guilt over her seeing him in such a state.

Me -- maybe so, maybe so... to me though, the way he talks of the situation, as a standard day in a modern city, to me it seems to be one of those situations, where you see someone and you make great eye contact, and it seems as if your in love, sadly there with someone else, and in a situation where you would never be able to truly talk, and its gone. Though this situation is lower stakes this way, making it much harder to write a love song this way. I agree with your theory, only i thing the "fucking high" and "Double brilliant" are used in a sarcastic manor to truly get across how miserable he is without her.

Suss -- Interesting interpretation. However, I saw the artist himself on the Oprah program explaining that his motivation for the song came from seeing a former lover on the subway and exchanging a glance with her. In that glance, he explained, "a lifetime passed between us." He is a true poet.

Me -- A real master of the language, and the meaning behind words themselves. Alas, I didnt see this Oprah program, so in truth I could be projecting my own sagas onto a song; however, isnt that the greatest measure of a song, when it fits every humans own struggles while remaining cathartic for the writer?

Suss -- Indeed. Indeed.

Me -- hogwash... i just dropped my pipe into my tea...

Suss -- Blast!

Me -- Uch... its running down the table onto my leg, and burning me, and my houndstooth trousers

Suss -- Ring for your manservant Octavius!

Me -- I rang, I rang... he is so slow, he has completely "checked out" since he qualified for the national bochi ball team. Its like his head is someplace else.

Suss -- It's so hard to find good help in Beresfordshire these days.

Me -- good help, please, i would settle for any help at all, hold on octavios just got here... so nice for him to show... uch hes carrying his bachi balls with him, how does he expect to clean me and the table with those bacci balls in his hands... anyway, how is your manor.

Suss -- Exquisite! We just had all the chandeliers polished! It took an ARMY of Chinese toddlers (they're the only ones whose hands are small enough to reach into the crevices between all the sharp pieces of glass) to get it all done, but they look magnificent! Although Consuela told me a severed pinky fell out of one of them the other day as she was changing out the lamp oil...

Me -- casualties of having a job is what i would say to those tiny chinese child babys

Suss -- Oh, the babies are back on a boat to Shanghai, having gotten their fill of our country's pre-educational and cultural opportunities. Exchange programs are magnificent, aren't they?

Me -- Exchange programs are brilliant.

A Hipster Day (hipster, really? More like an old man)

2006-05-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

I found myself having a little bit of a Hipster day yesterday.

I went out to Jersey because I had an appointment with the eye Dr. (hipster for optometrist)

On the Coach (hipster for bus) ride out to Ltown (hipster for Livingston) I listened to the Gnarls Barkley album on my Ipizzles, its pretty good.

From the bus stop on Hillside Ave to my house (hipster sentence construction to que reader on to fact that I walked from sed location to another) I listened to the My Morning Jacket live at Maxwell's cut Mahgeteeh.

Jumped in the car and drove to the eye Dr. On the way down Northfield, into WO (hipster for West Orange) I listened to the new Raceuntors album. That's Jack White from the White Stripes, and Brendan Benson, from some other hipster bands new album on my Ipizzles Adaptizzles. It's just ok.

After being assessed a way stronger prescription than I thought I would need (hipster tude) and refusing to wear contacts cause I have a thing about stuff close to my eyes (more of a Jewish neurosis), I drove to my parents office to catch a bite (very unhipster). Listening to Matisyahu's Live at Stubb's (hipster from two years ago).

After lunch, I set out with My Girlfriend who is "redoing" our bathroom (less and less hipster). I waited while Daniella and her mother shopped for handles for sinks as I played on my PDA (whatever hipster there was, is now gone).

Went from bathroom place to funky glasses store in the Mont (not even hipster, just shortened word Montclair). Picked out the trendiest pair of glasses I have ever owned, almost in an attempt to make the bathroom store never happen.

Drove back to NYC (New York City) with Daniella, listening to new Pearl Jam record. The hipster in me is dead, regardless of what music I am listening to, or the funky glasses I will now be wearing. I am slowly becoming an old man.

Anonymous

2006-05-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'm getting all these comments left by Anonymous. I'm pretty sure there spam and I want to delete them. But there so complimentary.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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Whoever you are Anonymous, or whatever giant technologically advanced servor is bombarding my comments box with pure junk mail under the guise of you and your complements, let me be the first to say, thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you for taking a liking to my work, its always nice to know someone is actually reading this and enjoying it. Oh, and the graphics, I thought youd like those.

Could it get any worse

2006-05-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

Could this get any worse

Knicks buying out Larry?

Dolan may be mulling move

BY FRANK ISOLA
DAILY NEWS SPORTS WRITER

Larry Brown
Garden chairman James Dolan apparently has started the process of ending Larry Brown's dream job after one season.
According to sources, Dolan, upset over Brown's record and the coach's public criticism of his players, is considering buying out the final four years of Brown's contract, worth at least $40 million.

Apparently Yes, it can

The Knicks declined to comment, and would neither confirm nor deny one published report that already is naming Knicks president Isiah Thomas as Brown's successor. Brown has indicated that he will not resign, but if Thomas takes over, the Knicks would avoid having to pay another coach upwards of $5 million annually.
Thomas, who coached the Pacers from 2000-2003 but never got them out of the first round of the playoffs, is said to be amenable to coaching the Knicks, one source told the Daily News.

Kurt Cobain's Widow

2006-05-14T23:06:00.000-07:00

Shes just a sad, sad clown.

Audition Horror Story 3

2006-05-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

Callback for UGA.

3 guys putting at Beth Page golfcourse in Long Island.

I read the lines as guy 1.

Director -- Uhm, Adam, could you read it with a little more energy, less of the stonery vibe.

Me -- Yeah, I'm sorry, people always think I'm stoned cause of the way I talk.

Director -- Yeah, but your not stoned are you?

Me -- No?

Director -- You sure?

Me -- Yeah, (jokingly) why are you a cop?

Director -- Ok, I think weve seen enough of Adam.

Oh Moms

2006-05-09T09:04:00.000-07:00

My mom reads my blog.

This is an email I recieved this morning in response to it.

Hilarious.

scare33@aol.com
to me
More options 8:59 am (2 hours ago)
So - you're never too old for your mother to give you advice - even if it is about something as mundane as your spelling - Where is different than we're and were - same thing with they're and their and there - each very different - But when used interchangeably - it is confusing for the reader to figure out what exactly you mean - it takes you out of the cadence of the funny stuff - and lord knows there is some funny stuff being written -
It's like wearing clean underwear incase you get in an accident - when you write in public - try to clean it up - !!!
Love you very much -
Miss you very much -
Mommy

Pearl Jammily anecdote from Summer tour 1

2006-05-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

I went to see Pearl Jam this weekend at Irving Plaza. First show of the tour, I plan to see at least 3. Anecdotes hear to follow.

I've seen them ten times, this being my tenth, and though for me the set list was sort of ordinary, the concert itself was amazing. Seeing a band like that in a small club is a once in a lifetime event.

Theres a great article on Pearl Jam in this past weeks Entertainment Weekly about how the band went from Top 40 worldly rockstar fame, to the heir apparent to The Greatful Dead as far as cult following and top touring band.

http://www.entertainment-news.org/images/thumbnails/pearl-jam-feeling-aggressive-on-new-album.jpg

Anecdote 1

They opened the lines for the show at 8, me and my buddy Doug booked inside, bypassing the idea for more drinks, and going straight to the front of the stage, where we found a nitch, stage left (Mcready side for the Pearl Jammies) and where maybe second row, it was nuts. The vibe inside was great, because the differance between Pearl Jam and other bands with excessive cult followings, is that their fans for the most part, are unapologetically well off in life. Most of them work hard at some job or another, and gather there money when they can to catch a PJ show. So, everyone inside was getting out there Treo's and Sidekicks positioning themselves for a great show. There are however some leftovers from the early nineties, whose goatess have now become salt and peppered, and whose mosh pit attitude have been fazed out by a sing along and jump up and down crowd. We where fortunate enough to be standing right next to one of these dudes. He was wearing a buffalo Bills jersey, classy guy. Anyway, we start talking about what songs we want to hear, I know right away what kind of fan I'm dealing with when he tells me his dream encore is Daughter followed by Jeremy. Anyway, he then starts telling me about the speaker stack right next to us, which is at least fifteen feet in the air. He says if they play Evenflow man, he's gonna climb up on that thing and jump off, just like the video. I looked at Doug and we shared that moment of, "are we gonna be able to catch this dude if he does jump".

Doug tells me he has to take a piss before the show, bad idea. As he runs off, I become totally surrounded by fans, who are now pushing as hard as they can to get to the front of the place. Doug gets back, and is now fifteen people behind me. So we move, to stage right (Stone's side Jammies). Concert is amazing, vibe is insane, were right underneath a celebrity clad balconey, and in particular right underneath Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins and their kids who apparently know Eddie Vedder pretty well, making me hate them instantly. Anyway about six songs in, Evenflow comes on. Im so wrapped up in the excitment of the show, and singing along to the joyish jibberish that is that song, I barely notice Vedders gaze shift stage left, where a look of sheer concern comes across his face. I follow his eyes to the stack of speakers where Mr. Buffalo Bill leaps off the stack and into the crowd. Only, remember how before I told you that the mosh pit vibe has been replaced, well know one saw him jumping, no one caught him, and he fell, right to the floor. When he got up, he was snatched and escorted out, only to miss the rest of the show, he probably woudl have hated it, no daughter or jeremy thank god.

Another friend of mine was later getting into the show and was stage left. He was so into the show that he told me about someone throwing something from the back that hit him in the head, knocking his glasses and hat off in the middle of Evenflow. I broke the news that what hit him, was a human body. Anyway, moral of the story, dont jump off shit at a Pearl Jam show, learn the words to the song, drink some wine, jump up and down, but no ones gonna catch you, there Treo's might break. And thats the kinda crowd I love.

Lost list

2006-05-03T22:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah I dig on Lost...

But as the show goes on, I get more and more frustrated by the unanswered questions. I do feel like some shit has to be explaiend, but I havent jumped on that too cool for school Lost sucks now bandwagon.

So, here is a list of all the things, I can remember, big issue or small, that have yet to be explained on Lost.
If I missed any, thats what the comments section is for motherfuckers.

(Possible Spoiler alert...)

LOST LIST
Why can locke walk?
Jack found his fathers casket and the body was gone, where is it?
Whats the deal with the monster/black smoke?
Why is everyone connected?
Whats Dharma?
Disease?
Why do the others want kids?
Whats the deal with the others?
If they have a boat, why are they still there?
Wheres the food coming from?
Both woman that we have seen openly have sex are dead, why, and does that mean, Suns next, cause that bitch is preggars?
Desmond the scottish dude?
Theres a radio tower on the island?
The Seven Hatches and that crazy black light map on the inside of the walls.
Reasseau, her shipmates, and her daughter that helped save claire?
Claires baby, is it sick?
The balloon, why is it there, who was on it, whose the real Henry Gale?
The numbers, whats the deal with the fucking numbers?
The magnet in the hatch?
The symbols?
Whats gonna happen if you dont enter the numbers, and i thought the computer was only supposed to be used for entering them, but Michael and Walt are Iming, whats with that?
Whats up with people surviving that crash right?
Did I ask about the Polar Bears?
Lockes father flew Oceanic airlines, is he on the island, whats up with that?
What is Sayid digging that hole for?
Why didnt Rose tell Bernard that she knows Locke couldnt walk before?
Whose Goodwin, Henry Gale mentioned Goodwin?
Quarantine?
Why was Walt showing up all over the place, if he was kidnapped by the others?
Ethan seemed kinda nice when he was dealign with claire right, but he almost killed charlie, whats the whole deal there?
Why was Jacks dad at the suburban house in Sydney screaming he wanted to see his baby?
Is Michael brainwashed?
How come the dog is so well taken care of and whose doing it now that shannon is deadsville?
Where exactly is the island?
Is it of any significance that the Anna Lucia told her mother what flight number she was on?
Kates dad was one of the army generals that met with Sayid, whats with that?
WHATS WITH THIS FUCKING ISLAND, AND WHY IS EVERYBODY THERE, AND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

CT

2006-05-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

Check out my friend Charlie Todd's Website linked right over there at ImprovEverywhere.

Gizmodo... Hitting the bigtime.

http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/best-buy-invaded-by-legion-of-blueshirted-pranksters-170706.php

Spacey

2006-04-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

I dont know why, but this picture, I find hilarious...

I think I like...

2006-04-27T22:04:00.000-07:00

I think I like Eggplant... because its the vegetable with the closest consistency to meet.

Finally

2006-04-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

The Mets are good.

It has been so long since one of my teams was good... Since Chad Pennington's shoulder went out the first time, and even then we had no real shot at winning it.

The Knicks look like they are going to be terrible for a long time, I hope J.E.T.S comes out of the draft with Leinart, and even if they do, they got two years to being competitive.

I'm holding on to this Mets season for dear life.

Crazy Cruising the web

2006-04-24T10:21:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine had read my blog this weekend and told me he came up with this theory based on my Tom Cruise entry. He said, that much like the way "In Bed" makes all fortune cookie fortunes that much funnier, the fraze "Haha I'm Crazy" could work under any found photo of Tom Crusie. He based his theory on the fact that he did so with my previous blog entry, and read the caption with differant inflections to fit the picture. I found this to be hilarious, and proceeded to google and yahoo image search the words "CRAZY TOM CRUISE". My friend said that no matter what, putting the aformentioned caption of "Haha, I'm Crazy" would make the photos that much funnier. Well, he was right...

Feel free to use this game from now on. I'm sure youll like it.

ENJOY... CRAZY TOM CRUISE

"Haha, I'm Crazy"

"Haha, I'm Crazy"

"Haha, I'm crazy"

"Haha, I'm crazy"

"Haha I'm Crazy!"

"Haha we're crazy!"

"Haha, I'm crazy!"

"Hehe, I'm Crazy"

"Haha Oprah, I'm Crazy"

"Haha Matt Lauer, I'm crazy, also, the picture behind, haha I look crazy."

"Haha, Tom Cruise is crazy."

This also came up in my search. It doesnt have anything to do with Crazy Tom Cruise, which is why it is wierd that it would come up in the search. I guess maybe they where both in the same tabloid at what point, I dont really care, its nice having this picture on my blog. "haha, I'm Crazy"

Cruise

2006-04-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

Big week for Horse Shit crazy Tom Cruise, what with him threating to eat his babys momma's placenta and all. I would normally blog about the redonkeydick name he gave to his soon to be fucked up new baby, but this came up instead.

I was in the movies with my girlfriend this past week, and we caught the preview for Mission Impossible 3. It's amazing. Amazingly ridiculous looking. As soon as the first helicopter shot zooms through the skyline of some exotic asian city, stopping on its tallest and boldest building only to find the "level 7 thetan" himself staring into the abyss of the world, I started to crack up. But what I was taken aback on, was the part of the preview when Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who plays the villain, threatens Cruise by saying, "You have a wife, girlfriend, whoever she is, I'm gonna find her, and I'm gonna hurt her, and then I'm gonna kill you, right in front of her."

What was so funny about this, is that it sent Daniella into a laughing fit. She could not stop. She looked at me and said, "Yeah right?"

This must be the reaction all women are having to this preview. Cruise has totally become a joke, hes a walking punchline. The rumor of Tom Cruise is gay, has become accepted as fact in pop culture. So much so, that he is laughed at when the suggestion arrises that he has a wife or girlfriend, or that she would care if he was killed right in front of her.

Also, the fact that he is so openly, Shithouse nuts makes it totally hilarious every time you see him doing something intense.

He is just so crazy. I wish there was a machine that could measure craziness, the way a lie detector can tell if your lying, because I think its safe to say, Tom Cruise would be off the charts. He is BatDoodie wierd.

GMAIL

2006-04-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

I switched email accounts...

AdamPally@gmail.com... reach me there.

Baldwin question

2006-04-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

Who do you think is more dissapointed when Steven Baldwin shows up. Evangelical christians at a rally, or a Hollywood party.

80's Jewish Stand Up 3

2006-04-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

When we cant sleep, why do we move to the couch. It feels like it should be the opposite right? Im having trouble dozing off on this piece of furniture explicitly built for sitting, I'll move to the one built for lying down. But no, whats the deal. And its not about the TV anymore, theres tvs in everybodys bedroom. Does the zenith in the living room have Nyquilotic qualities the Sharp in the Bedroom doesnt? You know what I think? I think we all like that feeling of falling asleep in the backseet of a car on long drives from our cousins house. No one ever wanted to move inside when you got home, "leave me in the car, why not, whats gonna happen to me, were in our own driveway, please, it feels like a couch." Crazy.

Remember Those Times...

2006-03-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

I saw a commercial for Levitra last night... This is a similar product to Viagra, or Cialis, it helps with "ED" or Erectile Dissfunction.

What happens in the add is that these poor souls who suffer from "ED" tell you all the things that could medically be causing "ED". Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Prostate problems I think.

Then as the commercials closing you get this picture...

What you cant see is that this couple is looking into a photo album... Reminiscing about what do you think?

"Ahhh remember that day, when our little girl Samantha graduated from highschool? Yeah, remember how rock hard my dick was that night without the assistance of modern medication?"

I feel horrible for pigeons

2006-03-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

I was walking down 23rd street today and I passed one of those carts, where you can by a lunch of meet and rice for like 3 bucks. On the ground next to the cart was one such dish that had fallen out of somones hands and spilled out of its styrofoam container onto the cold New York City pavement.

A Pigeons Feast, I thought.

As I walked past the cart, I saw that 3 or 4 pigeons had gathered to sit down at such a feast, though they coudlnt get to the food because the owner of sed cart was kicking them away.

Thats when the empathy came in. I feel horrible for those pigeons. Thats the worst bird you could be right? People love chickens cause they provide for us, Parrots are funny cause they talk back to you, canarys are pet friendly to some, Flamingos stand on one leg, Ostriches are prehistorically cool, Doves indicate peace, Hawks stand for America, Tucans jog your memory and taste buds for delicious sugary cereal.

Pigeons?

Nothing.

Theyre called rats with wings. The biggest joy they give in life is to run into a flock of them and watch them fly away. Do you understand how sucky that is for pigeons, that the best activity they offer is making refugess out of them by our children and retarded people. They shit on our statues and people get so pissed off, the stand in the street and refuse to move if your car is coming until the absolute last second, and on top of that, theyre not the most attractive bird in the family.

Yet I take pity on the pigeon, and I urge everyone do to the same. Next time you see a pigeon trying to eat a dirty schwarma that has been wiped on the gutter of 7th avenue, let him have it. Why not?

Me Vs. MySpace

2006-03-02T12:56:00.000-08:00

Why I am not on MySpace I have no idea. I dont have anything against it, in fact I think it is extremely beneficial for Networking. Also, god knows I could use an extra place to go on my daily Internet routine. (hotmail, realgm.com, ucbtheatre, ucbgreenroom, improvresourcecenter, yahoo fantasy baseball, espn, engadgetmobile, do it all over again and hope the time spent in the previous rotation has led for new emails, or news storys for the refreshed pages)

Being employed in the unconventional of manners, or as most people would say, being unemployed, I am always looking at things to eat away at my time. Building my entire days around one audition for Jolly Ranchers, and a half hour a night when I pretend I'm a grizzly bear, can lead to some serious unconventional employment (unemployed) depression.

So arent I on myspace? All my friends are on MySpace. It is rather unlike me to not be up on new tech. In no way am I one of those dudes who wishes he didnt have a cellphone so people couldnt get in touch with him. Engadgetmobile is on my daily internet routine for god sake, I'm all about tech, even though I'm not good at it. But I have a blog, I should be able to set up a page on Myspace. Yet still I resist. Maybe I will get there.

My Improv team from the UCB is on there, KILLEBREW.

My Sketch group is on there, HOT SAUCE.

But, I'm not there.

I've been to the site, it seems pretty cool, I'd like a page, but I don't have one.

Someday maybe, someday...

The Last Hot Sauce's

2006-03-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

My sketch show is coming to an end after almost a 7 month run...

Hot Sauce in 4th Floor Walk Up...

UCBTheatre This Friday March 3rd at 8

Then Monday March 27 at 8:00

If you havent seen the show, come down, if you have come again.

Why

2006-02-26T10:12:00.000-08:00

Why do they always wet the ground during street scenes in movies?

Retarded thing I do sometimes 1

2006-02-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

In talking to some friends tonight about flying, I revealed to them that whenever the flight attendant comes around with alcohol and asks if I want, I hesitate. Why? I hesitate because the thought that is going through my head is, what if something happens, and I need my wits about me?

Thats right, what if at Thirty thousand feet in the air something goes wrong in the massive techonologically advance air bus I am riding in, and they need me, Adam Pally, mediocre comedian/actor to be SOBER to stop the plain from crashing.

Free Advertising

2006-02-13T11:16:00.000-08:00

I thought I would mention some stuff I really enjoy, and hopefully these people will send me this stuff for free.

I know they wont, but why not try, right? We live in a world where people live to be consumers, and I am no differant. I feel no guilt about this whatsoever. I also have been reminded that I should be keeping up this blog on a more consisten basis then I currently do. So, let the product listing begin.

Medina's Corn Bisque (17 between Broadway and 5th)
This is a pathetic entry

Nike Air Terra Humara 1998's
I cant believe I am reducing myself to writing this

Xbox 360 NBA 2K6
People in the world are dying because they arent free to express themselves and I'm writing this horseshit

New York Knick's season Tickets
I have sunk incredibly low as a writer and a human being

60gig Vido Ipod in black
This is embarrasing

Some kind of PDA, Treo, Sidekick, Pocket PC ,whatever.
If you see me on the street, punch me in the face.

Penguin button down shirts
No, dont punch me in the face, maybe I went a little far with that.

Toyota Prius
Nevermind, I deserve it, punch me in the face.

Funny Mistake I could have easily made 1

2006-02-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

I was at Kinkos today getting something bound.

The woman at the counter was putting my info into her computer. Why? I don't know, but apparently now I am in the national Kinkos database, which means nothing to me.

She is asking me all these questions -- Name? Address? Birthday?

Then she asks me -- Company?

Being an actor/writer/comedian type, I dont really have a company, which I told her. To which she responded just tell me what you do so I can put it in here.

Alright I thought, fair enough, "Writer" I said.

She heard me fine, but wanted to know the correct spelling.

"R... I... G... H... T... E... R?"

Well, I do turn right for a living...

It's funny, but not like in a she's so stupid way. Why? Because I could have easily made the same mistake, and probably will. Not in an I'm so stupid way... well, yeah kind of in an I'm so stupid way.

OSCAR OSCAR OSCAR

2006-01-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

They came in today... lets see of how my system of not seeing all the films, listening to other peoples opinions, and watching late night talk shows, worked for me in my guesstimates of the nominates.

My Guesses are the ones without quotations.

Best Picture Nominees...
Good Night, Good Luck
Walk the Line
Munich
Cinderalla Man
Memoirs of a Geisha

BEST PICTURE
"Brokeback Mountain"
"Capote"
"Crash"
"Good Night, and Good Luck"
"Munich"

Starting off, A not so good uh? Walk the Line gets a hosed.

Best Actor Nominees
Jaquim Pheonix
Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Heath Ledger
The Guy that played Edward R Murrow
Terrence Howard

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Capote"
Terrence Howard, "Hustle & Flow"
Heath Ledger, "Brokeback Mountain"
Joaquin Phoenix, "Walk the Line"
David Strathairn, "Good Night, and Good Luck"

HIYO -- FIVE FOR FIVE ON THAT ONE MOTHA FUCKAS

Best Actress
Reese Witherspoon
Charlieze Theron
The girl from Memoirs from a Geisha
Claire Danes
Felicity Huffman

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Judi Dench, "Mrs. Henderson Presents"
Felicity Huffman, "Transamerica"
Keira Knightley, "Pride & Prejudice"
Charlize Theron, "North Country"
Reese Witherspoon, "Walk the Line"

3 for 5, not terrbs...

Best Director
Steven Spielberg
Ang Lee
George Clooney
Rob Marshall
The guy who directed Syrianna, whose not Steven Sodebergh but he wrote Traffic

DIRECTOR
Ang Lee, "Brokeback Mountain"
Bennett Miller, "Capote"
Paul Haggis, "Crash"
George Clooney, "Good Night, and Good Luck"
Steven Spielberg, "Munich"

3 for 5 again... Crash is starting to piss me off...

Best Supporting Actor
Peter Saarsgard
Terrence Howard
Jake Gyllenhall
Jeffrey Wright
Paul Giammatti

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
George Clooney, "Syriana"
Matt Dillon, "Crash"
Paul Giamatti, "Cinderella Man"
Jake Gyllenhaal, "Brokeback Mountain"
William Hurt, "A History of Violence"

YIKES... only 2, but those supporting categories are mad hard.

Best Supporting Actress
The girl that played the hor in Hustle and Flow
Michelle Williams
Maria Bello
Uma Thurman
Shirley Mcclaine

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Amy Adams, "Junebug"
Catherine Keener, "Capote"
Frances McDormand, "North Country"
Rachel Weisz, "The Constant Gardener"
Michelle Williams, "Brokeback Mountain"

UH BOY... 1... Ouch...

Best Original Screenplay (I think there all original screenplays)
Broken Flowers
Crash
The Tim Burton stop motion movie
Match Point
Good Night, and Good Luck

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, "Crash"
George Clooney and Grant Heslov, "Good Night, and Good Luck"
Woody Allen, "Match Point"
Noah Baumbach, "The Squid and the Whale"
Stephen Gaghan, "Syriana"

3 out of 5, but I didnt know that Syriana was an original and I put it in adapted so maybe that shoudl count... not sure.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Munich
Memoirs of a Geisha
Brokeback Mountain
Walk the Line
Syriana

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, "Brokeback Mountain"
Dan Futterman, "Capote"
Jeffrey Caine, "The Constant Gardener"
Josh Olsen, "A History of Violence"
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, "Munich"

YIKES -- 2 again...

Overall what did these predictions show us... I can guess at least two nominees for Academy Awards months before nominations are announced. So pretty much, I have no above average skill in this at all.

The Great Overheard

2006-01-30T16:09:00.000-08:00

Today walking through Central Park, Daniella and I overheard a 75 year old man finishing his phone conversation as he passed by us.

"Listen up you freaking FartKnocker!"

Tales from a Jamba 5

2006-01-28T10:24:00.000-08:00

I was in there getting this new flavor they have that tastes like an orange creamsicle... mad good. Anyways, this thuggish dude, with a chinstrap and one of those huge Northface coats with the fur on the collar, and timberlands that have his jeans with Tweetie bird on them tucked into the tongues... this guy took a shot at the infamous jamba juice *sink it and drink it* hoop.

* I just coined the term sink it and drink it, and expect to be compensated by Jamba *

The dude hits the shot, and vivian the worker from behind the counter asks him what kind of free drink he wants. He tells her, he is not interested in the free drink, but rather would just like his picture to go up on the board. He also splits what he tells her up into three sentences, ending each with the word son.

She comes back with the camera, takes his picture and then asks for his name.

"Fruit" he says.

Vivian asked, "What?"

"Fruit, like what yall make juice out of son." He said.

Vivian replied "O.K. got it."

Now, I know that the customer is always right, and that nothing should be excepted as strange, but the dudes name was Fruit. He was standing in a Jamba Juice, and there was the easy to realize dichotomy of the mans demeanor and dress and the fact that his name is a slang term for an effiminate man.

Vivian is so good at her job that she took it in stride and went back to her job.

I on the other hand let out an audible "Whoa" after the second time he said his name, eliciting awkward looks from the other customers, Vivian, and Fruit himself.

I then grabbed my Orange Creamsicle Dreamsicle, and bounced.

audition Horror Story 2

2006-01-23T23:07:00.000-08:00

Hersheys Callback
September 3, 2005

Called back in to read for Hersheys, interesting thing about this audition, is that theres no lines, and they are interviewing me and my budsky Ben Schwartz who is in both my sketch group Hot Sauce, and my improv team at the UCB, Killebrew, at the same time.

The interview is going great, they had remembered a funny story we told in the first one, and the people running it are really seeming to like our wacked out woody allenish style.

QUESTION -- So, if you where like giving candy out to little kids, what kind of candy would you give out?

ADAM -- We wouldnt give candy out to little kids, were not Child Molesters.

Awkward silence for a good 2 and a half minutes.

BEN -- OK... so we would give hershey bars.

Audition Horror Story 1

2006-01-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

Olive Garden callback
5/21/05

The Scenario -- Two older brothers argue over teaching a third little brother how to order at Olive Garden.

We make smalltalk over our endless breadsticks while the little brother mulls over the menu.

OLDER BROTHER -- You should get the Meatballs and Marinara.

ME -- No, the Fettucini Alfredo little brosef.

OLDER BROTHER -- Marinara.

ME -- Alfredo.

OLDER BROTHER -- MARINARA.

ME -- In a moment of weakness mom told me theres a chance you might have been concieved by Uncle David when Dad was in Med School in Detroit.

The little brother covers his ears.

DIRECTOR -- OK, thanks Adam.

2006-01-17T06:55:00.000-08:00

Last night the Golden Globe's took place. This usually is a nice barometer for who the winners of the academy awards themselves will be. Lets see how my picks are holding up from two months ago...

Best Picture Nominees...
All where nominated in some capacity or another, Walk the Line won comedy and musical so I am alright there. I grossly underestimated Brokeback Mountain, it looks like this years favorite as it took best picture last night. Damn you gay cowboys. If I could do it all again, I'd switch out GEISHA for BROKEBACK, curiously though I leave Cinderella, youll see. Brokeback wins...

Good Night, Good Luck
Walk the Line
Munich
Cinderalla Man
Memoirs of a Geisha

Best Actor Nominees

I think I might have picked this one perfectly, as both Jaquim and Hoffman won in there respective categories, and I think I might have nailed this one, maybe Russel Crowe gets a nod, well see though.

Jaquim Pheonix*
Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Heath Ledger
The Guy that played Edward R Murrow
Terrence Howard

Best Actress

Both Huffman and Witherspoon won GG's, looks like I'm on a little streak, though I could be wrong with the noms here, Theron and Danes where both absent last night.

Reese Witherspoon*
Charlieze Theron
The girl from Memoirs from a Geisha
Claire Danes
Felicity Huffman

Best Director

I jumped the gun all over town with my Geisha picks, otherwise this is how its gonna go down.

Steven Spielberg
Ang Lee*
George Clooney
Rob Marshall
The guy who directed Syrianna, whose not Steven Sodebergh but he wrote Traffic

Best Supporting Actor

I F'ed this one up, I didnt know Clooney qualified as supporting, he's gonna take it. Clooney wins.

Peter Saarsgard
Terrence Howard
Jake Gyllenhall
Jeffrey Wright
Paul Giammatti

Best Supporting Actress

I still think the hor is gonna get a nom's. Well see. Otherwise, I fucked this one up again, as Rachel Weiz won last night, and will probably on Oscar night. And God Damn Scarlett Johanssen. She is fine. This picture means nothing, but GOD DAMN. Weiz wins.

The girl that played the hor in Hustle and Flow
Michelle Williams
Maria Bello
Uma Thurman
Shirley Mcclaine

Best Original Screenplay (I think there all original screenplays)

Jurys out...

Broken Flowers
Crash
The Tim Burton stop motion movie
Match Point*
Good Night, and Good Luck

Best Adapted Screenplay

BROKEBACK

Munich
Memoirs of a Geisha
Brokeback Mountain
Walk the Line
Syriana

Well see how it pans out... If I do come in there close, Im on some david blaine type shit.

BETTER KNICKS IN 06

2006-01-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

Undefeated in 2006

"Drug" company

2006-01-11T09:50:00.000-08:00

My father is a Dr. I was at his office this afternoon when I noticed something that caught my attention.

In my father's office it is a frequent for the Drug company's like Pfizer, or Effexor or whatever to give out little handouts of office equipment.

A Biaxin Clarythromicin Ruler.

Lexapro Staplers.

Viagra Pens.

And they are usually handed out by the most annoying people on the planet... Drug Reps.

The equivelant of door to door salesmen's of the modern age. They're job is to go from Dr.'s office to Dr.'s office schilling their product, like freaking avon ladies. My father; however, has become wise to the Drug reps game, and demands Sushi lunches, or vanilla latte's in exchange for his time. Really an ingenious move on Papa Dukes part.

Anywhoseline, I was in his office today, not having a normal job of my own, when I came across a giveaway from a drug company.

Factive -- Gemifloxacin mesylate tablets. It's an antibiotic that protects agains sinus infections.

What was it...

Factive Twizzlers.

Really it was just a bag of Twizzlers with a Factive sticker on it. Then I found one of Hershey Kisses, and Reeses Pieces.

What is this, fucking Halloween. I understand giving out a mousepad or something, but a drug company putting there name on something, that when consumed in high volumes causes the exact problems that the medicine being produced protects against, just seems so insestious. That's like a psychiatrist telling you you need multiple days a week of appointments, or a Dentist giving away lollipops when you leav......... Oh my god it's everywhere. It's a giant conspiracy, the medical proffesion is corrupt. I have just discovered a veritable Da Vinci code of modern day health and science. Run for the hills, save yourselves, no one is safe.

Oh look, mini Factive Take Five bars... SWEET!!!

Funny Picture Dissection 1

2006-01-03T08:17:00.000-08:00

I was recently looking for funny pictures to post on an internet message board.

I googled funny pictures, and on the last page, came across this one.

Now this is hilarious for several reasons.

1) Steven Seagal, how could you take anything with this guys image on it seriously. He's bat shit crazy. Look at him in that komono, and he still has that stupid ponytail. And why is he always squinting, whats with the squinting, update this fuckers contact lense prescription.

2) Then this crazy asshole is giving a pound to Wyclef Jean. Nevermind the fact that Clef is dressed like he was going to see opening night of Eddie Murphy Raw, but just the pairing to me is hilarious. My friend Gil tells funny stories about strange celebritys hanging out, and this is just two perfect. What do you think they talked about. My first guess would be maybe a common love of Martial Arts. Something tells me that Wyclef's martial arts education doesnt extend much further than the fact that he thinks Enter the Dragon is "Crazy Son" or maybe he did a track with Rza who played him some kinf of Shaolin movie while the final mix was going on. But you know Seagal knows all that shit to the finite intricacies of a southwestern kung fu panda grip. So that conversation probably didnt go very far.

Seagal -- So you like Martial Arts?

Clef -- Uh huh...

Seagal -- Cool.

Maybe they talked about hip hop, but I be the previous secenario went the opposite way. Seagal probably says he likes hip hop cause he heard an interview with Daniel Day Lewis about how he listened to Eminem to get into character to play Bill the Butcher, so now Seagal listens to Lose Yourself before he kickboxes his doll of Chuck Norris in the morning. And Clef is a Hip Hop conisour, so that conversation probably hit a brick wall.

Clef -- You into hip hop?

Seagal -- Oh yeah.

Clef -- Yeah... Cool.

3) The third funniest thing about this picture is the fact that the two of them are on the red carpet of the Soul Train Awards. What the fuck are they doing there together. Did they come together like a shitty version of the time Ashton Kutcher and PDidds showed up at the VMA's. And other than the fact that Seagal maybe was in a DMX movie or something why would he be at the Soul Train awards. Maybe he's an excellent dancer. Maybe his career has sunk so low that he is actually Clefs bodyguard. The possibilitys are endless and all hilarious.

Good Picture, good picture.

Its so good to be back...

2006-01-02T03:05:00.000-08:00

Im back in America...

Feels nice...

Did I see a ton of funny things in Israel? No, No I did not. Between the 16 year olds with giant machine guns at every turn, the ever looming feeling in the back of your mind that the bus in front of you may blow up, or the security checkpoints at every falaffel stand, I wouldnt say Israel is a particularly funny country.

Beautifal, yes...

Amazing to witness due to its history and significance, definatly...

Unbelievable country side climates that can change from desert, to rainforest, to woods, to major citys in the beat of an eye, Yup.

Funny, ehhh, not so much. So this is the funniest thing that I found on my trip to the Holy Land.

I think its kind of funny... Now I think I will try to collect a Curb Your Dog sign from every country I visit, it will be my thing...

Nice.

My Slogan for 06'

2005-12-30T23:09:00.000-08:00

I stayed up till 3:30 in the morning to watch the Knicks game here.

The announcers where dubbed into Hebrew.

You dont need to understand Hebrew to understand how horrible the knicks are.

Worst team in the league... definatley.

Worst team in the world... probably.

Ive been a knick fan all my life, but this last stint of badness is taking a lot out of me.

You dont need to speak much hebrew to understand that no one cares about the greatest Basketball city in the world. That is a sad thing.

So, as all my friends will be shouting, 2000 and sex, or 2000 and Styx, or better sex in 06, or whatever hilarious slogan they have come up with. I will take one for the team.

BETTER KNICKS in 06'...

Who the F is Robbie Williams and the reasons I think he's kind of cool

2005-12-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

Israelis love Robbie Williams...

who the F is Robbie Williams...

That Guy is Robbie Williams...

Was stuck inside yesterday with a bit of the sickness in Jerusalem. The TV sucks here, unless you love arab news, and Head of the Class. MTV seems like one of the only channels that is salvagable here, and I have been getting my fair share of it.

And every time I turn it on, like fucking clockwork, I get this guy...

When MTV is not doing a retrospective, his top ten videos of all time, or a diary of him, his videos are on.

At first I hated him... My somewhat antipop sensibility told me to think he sucks, and that their are plenty of reasons I should hate him.

I dont.

I think he is kinda cool. He's a huge dick, pompous as all hell in interviews, at one time he reffered to himself as the greatest pop star of all time, and that Americans are idiots to not see it. Got to like that.

His videos have the hottest, A1 chicks is music vids I have ever seen. Also, for a pop star, his videos are artistically cool, and not the typical Jtimberlake/Usher U got Served trash that is all over MTV in the States.

He's Hilarious and Cheesy all at the same time-- His videos more often than not showcase some solid comedic timing, and funny ideas, like wearing obnoxious face make up, or the day after a raging party, check out his album covers...

He's an Uber CHUBBY SKINNY -- (Read previous post to understand)...

Whatevs man, I see what the Israelis, and apparently all of Europe, possibly the world besides dear old Amers (check his record sales) see in this Bloke.

I Ituned a few of the tracks I kind of liked from catching the retrospecs, and I kinda dig it... His sound is like Elton John and Oasis mixed with a Glen Ballard production. Let me Entertain You is my favorite trak I think. A nice guilty pleasure for your hipster Ipod.

So, now I know a little more about who Robbie Williams is. Before, all I could vaguely remember was maybe a cribs episode, and a horrible ballad about loving angels instead that is food for American Idle contestant Fodder. Now I know, hes not so bad, kinda cool, a possible Chubby Skinny kid idle, there arent many.

Viva Le Robbie Fucking Williams I guess...

The Weight

2005-12-28T21:02:00.000-08:00

I come from a family obsessed with how they look. Vanity ran through my house as a kid like (insert funny analogy here -- i.e. Jason Kidd on a fast break, milk through a lactose intolerant, Ferris Beuller through a back yard.) My vain family also, all struggles with weight in differant places. It is the bain of all of our existances and always will be.

My father is obsessed by it. Physical fitness is his escape. Other suburban fathers would come home and fall into their home offices, check their email, grab a brew, watch sportscenter. My pops came home from a 16 hour day, seeing patients first at the hospital, then all day at his office, then back to make his evening rounds, and when he came home, a glass of cranberry juice, kiss my mother hello, and downstairs to his small box of a gym he made to do Tai Bo, Pilates, Yoga, or the newest Jane Fonda workout. My father also treats food like a car with feul. It really has very little value to him as far as taste goes. The strange thing is, my fathers body also never changes. He always looks the same. He is extremely fit, and in excellent shape, but still he is a stocky man. This is not an indictment of failure on his part, more a battle with genetics that is unwinnable.

This genetic battle continues on my mothers side as well. My mother has just lost a good amount of weight and looks "more beautifal then ever" my father says. I concur, although I have seen the pictures of the two of them in their sequends and white leatard outfits from when they used to Tour the Country in a rock band called PALLY and PAL. For another time, for another entry, but now you want to hear about it huh? Anyway, my mothers struggle with weight is another genetic battle that can not be won because on her side of the family is the love of food. A deep engrained genetic link that has been passed on to me and my sisters. There is no elequent way to put it, Food is Awesome.

So where does that leave me and my siblings. CHUBBY SKINNY KIDS. Maybe you've heard this term before. Maybe not. Me and my sisters, when dressed nice, and clothed, I'm not afraid to say it, we look good. Take us to pool party, and boom, bam, people start running for the door and slipping and getting hurt, while the parents scream, "No Running by the Pool." It is a disease, and if you have it, I know your pain.

I used to think, it will never change, like my fathers body and my mothers love of food. I thought, it will never go away. Well, I was wrong. It does goes away, as over the last six months I have gone through a metamorphasis. It is as if I am a caterpiller who has cocooned itself away and come out a butterfly, a completely CHUBBY butterfly. Thats right, I am a fatty. No longer can I share the chubby skinny title, I live now only as Chubby. My face has grown extra chins, my hands plump, my arms and legs, my former safeheven, thick like tree trunks, my stomach as If I am in my second trimester.

I have vowed to lose some of the weight, New Years resolution and all. I am going to give it the college try. My form of Atkins, no bread, no beer, meat, cheese, and Jamba Juice. I will try and work out 3 to five times a week for 45 minute clips. I will not eat pizza, hot dogs, or disco fries at 4:30 in the morning. All while quitting the small amount of cigarettes I do smoke. I just hope it does not pose a futile action like (insert funny analogy here -- i.e. An expensive Yankee offseason acquisition ,a Tom Cruise marriage, or an Andy Dick MTV show,). We shall see.

See you in 2006, weight off... yeah right...

The Gentrification of Fear a Stab at Political Writing with a very Dull Knife

2005-12-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

I had dinner at a nice restaurant tonight in The Viv. As I walked into the place, I was first wanded and patted down by security.

When I returned back to the hotel, I was treated with the same fair.

I felt a little uncomfortable about it.

Then I watched as every other person who wanted to eat at that restaurant, or stay in that hotel did the same as I and made nothing of it. Thats just how it is here, and it doesnt effect anything.

So here comes the Lefty in me. Does Israel have a patriot act. I know they go to great lengths to obtain critical information, and are one of if not the best at capturing terrorists around the world, but I would love to know if they have a bill that has been passed that infringes on as much of a persons privacy as The Patriot Act?

And all this junk about if we dont do this or dont do that then the terrorists win, it seems to be all bullshit once you get to a place like this that has been under a considerably heavier amount of terrorism than the united states.

Lefty rears its head again. I hate to sprinkle a dash of Michael Moore here, but the fear hear is almost non existant. I worry more on the 6 train when it stops, mid stops than I did tonight being checked by a security guard on my way to eat schwarma at an outdoor cafe. Why is that? Where does the fear come from, why is it so prevalent in our country and why did I eat more schwarma? I tried to think of answers to this as I was being patted down by security as I entered my own bathroom. Who benefits from fear in America... A ton of people... Politicians whose approval ratings are bad, owners of big companys that produce your fear the fear products such as masking tape, canned food, airbags, and gas masks. Fear effects the wealthy who feel like spending their money on nice things because who knows if they'll be there tomorow, and to quote a line from a horrible movie I watched in my insomniatic daze tonight, "Who wants to be the richest corpse in the semetary." Alfie... the new one. I would love to know how fast food restaurants business has been since 9/11. I dont know about you, but when I freak out, nothing calms me down like a big mac, six peace, large fries, large diet coke and an apple pie. For Kiels.

So there it is, the probable first and last political essay from one of the least political people on the planet. Truth is, as much as I know, theres no reason for me to be spouting liberal bullshit that may or may not make sense from the middle of the night in a Hilton, in the middle east on an online blog. But fortunately theres something called the internet.

And Now I would like to even more invalidate all that I have written with this...

It's A cow in the water with a dolphin.... Hahahahahhahaha.... hahahahahaha.... hahahaha.... oh my god I just threw up on myself.

Next Year in Jerusalem

2005-12-22T17:31:00.000-08:00

I'm officially in Israel... I am so jetlagged I have no idea what day it is, or what time it is.

I know here its 3:30 in the morning, Ive slept on and off for the past 48 hours I think. And as I am awake right now feeling sorry for myself and wondering how unhappy I will be tomorow on no sleep and a sightseeing Jewish extravaganza, I took a moment to unleash some anger on another famous traveler.

A one Mr. Marty Mcfly.

I realized not only is there no jetlag going back and forth through the future, but the trip seems to only take about thirty seconds.

I flew, in the present today from Newark Airport to Tel Aviv and it took me, what seems like 72 hours. What the Fuck.

When Marty gets to the future, or the past it would seem that his body and mind are totaly fine and working. He often must act quick right upon arrival, wheather it be a hoverboard race, or getting dragged on the ground by a clighdsdale, hes ready for the job.

I cant even stand up from a chair to take a shit.

Damn you Doc and your perfect modes of transportation.

Damn you continental airlines for a comfortable flight allowing me to grab a decent nights sleep at an appropriate time for my New York body clock, making it extremely hard to adhere to Jewtime. And damn you Israely falafell, I ate you today and was extremely let down. Maybe I hit up a bad place in The Viv, or maybe its just not that much better here. If the latter is the case, I would like to say congradulations to amsterdam, thoughI havent been there I have heard that the Heineken is much better there. Good for you Dutch. So far the Jewiness is almost the same here, although as I walked through the hotel a stranger did say "Your not gonna help with the rest of the bags." So the guilt, the guilt here seems to be a little better.

Oh man... another 10 days in the promised land. Uy Fuck.

This is Awesome... but maybe for all the wrong reasons

2005-12-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

This is prett funny. The best part though... is that its the front page of the FUCKING NEW YORK POST. I hope nothing horrible happends in the weeks to come so we cant look back on these headlines pre horribile thing and say, what the fuck where we reading as news....